Llanelli and the Saucepan Song

Sorry if Colinh’s photos are a bit blurred this week. He foolishly accepted a lift from the Grousebeaters and the trauma caused by sitting in the back of a tractor hurtling down the motorway at nearly 25 m.p.h. was all too much for him. We dropped him off, literally, in Bristol where he said he would hire a car to take him the rest of the way.

We continued our merry way to Llanelli and actually found the hotel almost immediately. Surprising since Booms was doing the navigating. But then again it could have been Rooster.

In the hotel bar we came across an untidy looking ruffian sitting with his filthy trainers resting on a table. Turns out he was the BBC. Winker Watson and Ryan Constable were there as well but they were well-behaved. Mind you, the Beeb people were able to get a meal – we were told it wasn’t possible. Clearly they still have some influence.

Had a meal in the Stradey Arms where we claimed the record wait to be brought a couple of pints – about 45 minutes I think. Then DB arrived (Barnes not Ball) .

The match was generally regarded as a disappointment, and yet we got a draw against the team with perhaps the best home record in the league. It seems we’ve raised our expectations a lot! We tried to get our theme song going – they responded with one about saucepans. Strange people the Welsh.

As usual we ignored the hordes in the main bar and found the Members Room (see Borders). Scrumstretcher (he still says he’s an Ulster fan) introduced us to the Llanelli 3 and the craic was mighty, especially after Jamesie and the Londoners also discovered the place. Scrumstretcher told a few jokes – Merrily dutifully laughed even though we’d heard them all before. I rediscovered cider – took me back to my student days. Dewi took lots of photos , most of them seemed to have Merrily as the main subject.

Then into the main bar to chat with some of the Llanelli players – Easterbunny, Peel, John and Wyatt. Really friendly bunch – always seems to be the case with rugby players. Okay there is also O’Gara. Dewi continued to photograph everything in sight – Easterby (and Merrily), Peel (and Merrily), Wyatt (and Merrily). All the Llanelli folk wished us luck against the Ospreys (don’t think they like them very much).

Woke up the next morning remembering why I’d given up cider after uni. Staggered down to breakfast and chatted with a very chirpy Ryan Constable. Place was full of Munster fans, so I sportingly wished them all the best in the Heiny Final. A bit daft I know as Munster always lose in the final. Tractored back to the airport where we sympathised with Simon Best. Neil McMillan headed over for a chat, but then realised it was Boomshanka and did a runner - after all he’s still hopeful of a successful rugby career. Even Harrison just shouted hello from a safe distance.

The flight was delayed, so I didn’t get home in time for the Heiny Final. By the way, how many did Munster get beaten by?

* The UAFC are not responsible for the witterings of any supporters in the production of this piece, and the views expressed are the views of the eidjit doing the writing.