Ulternative Alster Fan Club
“Hello Cap'n Grumpy,
How lovely, someone is writing to me and it’s not even my birthday I thought. Even better, I thought after I’d followed the link and found it wasn’t someone saying I owed them money/beer/blood* (*delete as appropriate), I realized that our leader in chief had invited me to write a supporter’s blog for the Connacht/ Ulster match.
Only two small problems there, I thought
Answer to problem #1, according to Fermain, though was “no problem, it’s about the supporter, not the match”
Answer to problem # 2, I thought to myself was, “if youngsters and Joes can write blogs, maybe I can. I’m a professional man (except on Friday nights – obviously) – if I can write scientific papers and reports, maybe I can write a ‘blog’”.
Then I remembered back to my young days, and yes, they DID have them then – I remember hearing about them on TV, they were sort of like a diary, and James Tiberius Kirk wrote one, so here goes:
Cap’ns Blog, Stardate 23112007
“Where was it they said we were meeting? Ah yes, Montgomery whatsit, opposite the sports shop” That’s what I had remembered from the night before. I hadn’t intended going to Galway – I had endured two long journeys home in the wee small hours after away defeats to Embra and Glasgae – I wasn’t going to go for the hat-trick. But the night before at the URSC quiz at Newforge (if you weren’t there, you missed an UNBELIEVABLE night), I had been persuaded otherwise.
Now was the following morning though, and what were the meeting arrangements? They must have meant Montgomery Street in Belfast – it’s opposite Sammy Moore’s. (Colzo had said something about Moore’s so that must be it). I can get to there. So off I trundled.
I began to suspect that something was wrong when Colzo didn’t show up though and neither did the bus!!!!????? At first I thought it had simply been delayed – the wheels had come off or something (apparently it’s quite common with things concerning Ulster Rugby, recently). Then I thought it had had an accident – maybe run over Colzo’s trike or something, but then I started to get worried. I tried phoning kimble – no response. I tried txt-ing him, but no reply. Of course a man of his means would have more than one mobile, and he probably had the wrong one with him.
Then I tried Give me a ‘B’
Give me a ‘U’
Give me a ‘S’
Give me another ‘S’ (– oh, no need for that)
What did I get? – Only a number 32 bus!!!! But that was only going to East Belfast, not Galway! Where was the big Yellow one?
What else did I get? Questioned by the Police, that’s what - wanting to know what all the shouting was about. After I explained I was trying to contact kimble, they offered to send a message (in a bottle), but I declined as I reckoned the daft galoot would only drink it.
Nought else for it, but to get online and find out want went wrong – Freddie took great delight in telling me I was in the wrong place, I should have been at Montgomery ROAD, and the sports shop in question was Vi Sports. (Smartass!)
Disconsolate I headed for home and readied myself for Gushers dulcet tones instead. At least I had the 3 cases of Magners I’d won at the quiz to help ease the pain of listening to our defeat on the radio. And as the first half progressed, that numbed the pain of what sounded like another grim performance. Others resorted to (amonst other things) intravenous coffee to stay awake, and surfing for halftime cheerleaders - the Ravens from One Tree Hill (or was it One Tree from Raven Hill?).
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, it didn’t!!!! (Okay it did, briefly when Connacht took the lead), but in the second half, Ulster managed to create a second UNBELIEVABLE night in a row.
Perhaps 30 points flattered us, and the play might not have been the best over 80 minutes, but I’d have taken that scoreline when I was waiting down in Montgomery Street.
I’d also have enjoyed the journey home a lot more than the two previous ones from Scotland!
Roll on next Friday (Can we get those cheerleaders to
* The UAFC are not responsible for the witterings of any supporters in the production of this piece, and the views expressed are the views of the eidjit doing the writing.