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The Last boy Scouts
Once again the air was balmy, once again I failed to gain my traditional parking spot en route to the game. Déjà vu, though this time déjà vu was somewhat more tiresome having to abandon the wheels well up Ladas Drive. Interestingly it meant the faithful were not staying away for a 5.30p.m. Saturday kick off, nor were they unduly concerned about the lack of quality in the Cardiff Blues team. After all Ulster had quality all over the park in their team and that's what the supporters where going to see.
I was late and Dewi Barnes had threatened to be early. In the event the eponymous Barnes was nowhere to be seen but I soon chanced upon HSS Cables who was steaming, literally, some would have ascertained. Cables had spotted growth on my chin, he was interested to know was this the seeds of some competition for his very own hirsute jaws.
"I forgot to shave," I postured.
No good that one, so I said I would shave it off should Ulster qualify for the knockout stages of the Heiny thinking foolishly at that stage that qualification was a distinct possibility. More on that in later episodes.
It was time to scale the heady heights of the Terrace and once again I found myself in the vicinity of the second barrier crew and adjacent my oul mucker El Monty and his family of wee bairns. A word about the disparate bunch known as the 2BC. They are the 'last boy scouts', a bunch of spirited public schoolboys led by no discernible leader though it would be irredeemable of me not to mention cap'n Grumpy for his ingenuity in cheerleading. As the match begins there is much flag waving and singing. Amongst the billowing flags stands the unmistakable figure of the URSC chairman, The Original Kimble, looking rather like a canuck totem pole or the summit of Mount Rushmore depending how the match is going.
As Nicky Robinson, Cardiff's kicker demonstrated consistently why he doesn't figure much up the charts in the Magners League kicking statistics, the scouts were busy reminding him of his immortality in front of the goal posts.
"Dodgey kicker, e's a dodgey kicker…" they sang though to my mind, given the sums of money bandied about for the top players they should have been singing, "wodgey kicker, e's a wodgey kicker..", in honour of the wads of note they receive every month for running about a training ground and rugby pitch. As yet another Cardiff player knocked on, the scouts were busy making "ee aw" noises as homage to donkey's everywhere. By the time Cardiff had demonstrated to the scouts what lack of discipline meant, with 3 of their players finding time to rest for 10 minutes during the game, they were busy waving 'cheerio' to the culprits though they weren't the only ones as half the ground seemed to be renditioning the Blues players from the pitch.
As the score mounted the scouts were becoming ever more vociferous. You have got to admire their tenacity. In the face of their team racking up the points they continue to support the lads with almost constant chorus of songs and sea shanties. By the time Ulster had scored five tries the scouts began to chant, "we want sex, we want sex!"
I was momentarily gobsmacked, whatever happened to family planning at Ravenhill?. I was threatening to report them to the URSC, before realising the chairman was chanting as well. Following a nano second of disconcertedness, it dawned on me that they were chanting, "we want six," and the sound was being distorted by the Ballymena accents amongst them. Relieved, I comforted El Monty's kids till the end of the game.
After that it was time to swop CD's on the Terraces. It used to be ciggie cards, now all the scouts swop CD's with each other. I received a Pride of Ulster 99 CD from someone.
"Wot's it about?" I asked. Rather foolishly thinking it might be a CD about a flute band.
"Wot do ya think," came the reply. Well ask a stupid question and you get a rather unflattering answer. Off I went to watch Ulster's triumph in the European cup, circa 1999, a triumph I thought would be relived next week when Toulouse came to lose and got stuffed. A touch of déjà vu crept in before exiting at Stradey Then again the formation of the Quibbblers was more exciting than watching Ulster being tanked by the Skaalets. |
