The UAFC

Pienaar for Ulster?
Written By: Editor on April 15, 2010 2 Comments
It seems that Mr David Humphries has rolled back the years and produced another audacious slight of hand as it now appears that he has managed to sign multi-talented South African, Ruan Pienaar after all.

Reports in the Irish Times and that hotbed of rugby U.TV are now stating that the utility back is on his way to Ravers.

At the time of writing the deal has yet to be completed but thanks to our friends over on sharksworld.co.za we managed to have a quick word with Ruan the other night and asked him about his proposed transfer to Ulster. (Or did we?)

FRU: How far advanced are the talks?

RP: They are nearly complete. Mr David says he wants everything completed by next Wednesday as there’s no bloody way he’s going to the URSC AGM without a scrum half. When I heard this I told him I’d sign for another 500,000 Rand and he’s got a deal.

Mr David said something about the Fat Controller, he’s not gone you know, No.42 bus, back seat and brown envelope so it shouldn’t be a problem. I should sign in the next day or two.

FRU: Are you looking forward to living in Belfast?

RP: BJ tells me that Belfast is very like Durban, with gated communities, security fences and lots of special protection forces knocking around so I should feel right at home. He says that everyone is very friendly except someone who calls himself Red Hand Hero on some message board. Apparently he is a c**t, but everyone else is dead-on. (That’s BJ’s new words for great!)

Someone called Mr President Kimble says that me, BJ, Robbie and Johann can all use his beachfront Hacienda in Helen’s Bay to do some surfing and shark fishing so that will be dead-on!

FRU: Are you worried about missing out on the World Cup if you move to Belfast?

RP: BJ tells me that Ulster only play up until January and then they just mess around for a couple of months so getting away early shouldn’t be a problem.

He also mentioned something about Dr Dave, Lions Tour, Umhlanga Rocks, party photos and selection sorted so that’s dead-on as well!

FRU: You’ve played scrum half, out half and full back internationally, have Ulster indicated where they intend to play you should you move.

RP: Mr David said I’d be playing in all three positions, all at the same time, as it’s the only way they can afford me. In fact he said that me, BJ, Robbie and Johann are not to pass to any of the Ulster boys as they’ll only drop it, except for maybe someone called Paddy, we can pass to him, but definitely not to someone called Ryan!

FRU: Thanks for your time Ruan and we hope to see you in Belfast soon.

RP: Dead-on!

Cap'n Grumpy wrote:Call me a sceptic, but I have a suspicion it may not be quite true for 2 very good reasons:

President Mr Kimble's hacienda is in Ballyholme, not Helen's Bay, and

I heard it was a number 32 bus, not a 42!

I wonder if there are other inaccuracies in the piece?

Grumps