Joke of the Day

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big mervyn
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by big mervyn »

Man: Do you have the book Living With a Small Penis?
Librarian: I don't think it's in yet.
Man: Yeah, that's the one
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Dave
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Dave »

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I have my own tv channel, what have you got?
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big mervyn
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by big mervyn »

I had eczema, diarrhoea and haemorrhoids last weekend!!!!
My best game of Scrabble ever!

Was going to post some jokes about cash machines.
But cannot think of any ATM.

I started a yacht building business in my garage.
Sails have gone through the roof.

My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
I know he means well.

Just bought myself a pen that writes underwater.
It writes other words too

Just had a blazing row with the missus and in a temper she threw a bottle of fabric conditioner at me...
I think it must have been Lenor, because it was a bit too close for Comfort
Volunteer at an animal sanctuary; it will fill you with joy , despair, but most of all love, unconditional love of the animals.
Big Neville Southall
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Kofi Annan
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Kofi Annan »

I introduced the new guy to everyone in the office .
I said "everybody this is Chris he's going to be working with us, he may have difficulty understanding us he's a mongol"
At which point Libby the feminazi lept up and ranted "you're an utter disgrace to describe Chris that way, I would have said Chris has downs syndrome and learning difficulties".
Then Chris head butted Libby square in the face.

Guys from Ulaanbaatar don't take insults lightly .
“For the liespotter who knows how to listen well, the random words, sounds, and phrases in a person's speech are never as random as they seem. They offer a clear sightline into the liar's psyche.”
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Cap'n Grumpy
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Cap'n Grumpy »

I heard that Chris accumulates things and stores them away ...
I'm not arguing -
I'm just explaining why I'm right
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Cap'n Grumpy
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Cap'n Grumpy »

Cap'n Grumpy wrote:I heard that Chris accumulates things and stores them away ...
From the reaction, it looks like "The Mongol Hoards/Hordes" is/are as welcome as it/they ever were! :roll:
I'm not arguing -
I'm just explaining why I'm right
rumncoke
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by rumncoke »

Can you show me the way to Larne “ he said
His hand upon her knee
“ I know the way to Larne “ she said
“ But not going Larne — on me”



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Within this carapace of skepticism there lives an optimist
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Dave
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Dave »

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I have my own tv channel, what have you got?
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Dave
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Dave »

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I have my own tv channel, what have you got?
rumncoke
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by rumncoke »

Merv

The joke about the cash machine

I thought the punch line was going to be

I haven't found one yet
Within this carapace of skepticism there lives an optimist
rumncoke
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by rumncoke »

An ATM in Ulster is also known as a

A hole in the wall
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Cap'n Grumpy
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Cap'n Grumpy »

I may have used this one before, but it's a bit quiet around here ...

Q: How do you think the unthinkable?

A: With an itheberg!
I'm not arguing -
I'm just explaining why I'm right
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big mervyn
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by big mervyn »

The Pope is having a special service of healing.

Paddy comes forward and says "Holy Father can you help me with my hearing?"

The Pontiff lays his hands on Paddy's head, prays for a minute and says "How's your hearing now?"

Paddy says "I don't know, I'm not in court 'til next Wednesday!"
Volunteer at an animal sanctuary; it will fill you with joy , despair, but most of all love, unconditional love of the animals.
Big Neville Southall
rumncoke
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by rumncoke »

Mummy!!!! Mummy !!! Can I lick the bowl?

No ---


Flush it like everyone else
Within this carapace of skepticism there lives an optimist
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rorybestsbigbaldnoggin
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by rorybestsbigbaldnoggin »

rumncoke wrote: Tue Aug 27, 2019 8:17 am Mummy!!!! Mummy !!! Can I lick the bowl?

No ---


Flush it like everyone else
Well that explains a lot, doesn't it?
It's the hope that kills you.
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