Joke of the Day

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big mervyn
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by big mervyn » Tue Nov 20, 2018 5:01 pm

Man: Do you have the book Living With a Small Penis?
Librarian: I don't think it's in yet.
Man: Yeah, that's the one
Volunteer at an animal sanctuary; it will fill you with joy , despair, but most of all love, unconditional love of the animals.
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Dave
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Dave » Sat Dec 15, 2018 10:27 pm

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I have my own tv channel, what have you got?

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big mervyn
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by big mervyn » Thu Dec 20, 2018 5:56 pm

I had eczema, diarrhoea and haemorrhoids last weekend!!!!
My best game of Scrabble ever!

Was going to post some jokes about cash machines.
But cannot think of any ATM.

I started a yacht building business in my garage.
Sails have gone through the roof.

My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
I know he means well.

Just bought myself a pen that writes underwater.
It writes other words too

Just had a blazing row with the missus and in a temper she threw a bottle of fabric conditioner at me...
I think it must have been Lenor, because it was a bit too close for Comfort
Volunteer at an animal sanctuary; it will fill you with joy , despair, but most of all love, unconditional love of the animals.
Big Neville Southall

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Kofi Annan
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Kofi Annan » Tue Jan 15, 2019 11:38 pm

I introduced the new guy to everyone in the office .
I said "everybody this is Chris he's going to be working with us, he may have difficulty understanding us he's a mongol"
At which point Libby the feminazi lept up and ranted "you're an utter disgrace to describe Chris that way, I would have said Chris has downs syndrome and learning difficulties".
Then Chris head butted Libby square in the face.

Guys from Ulaanbaatar don't take insults lightly .
“For the liespotter who knows how to listen well, the random words, sounds, and phrases in a person's speech are never as random as they seem. They offer a clear sightline into the liar's psyche.”

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Cap'n Grumpy
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Cap'n Grumpy » Wed Jan 16, 2019 4:54 am

I heard that Chris accumulates things and stores them away ...
Sadly the days of people using proper English are went

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Cap'n Grumpy
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Cap'n Grumpy » Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:47 am

Cap'n Grumpy wrote:I heard that Chris accumulates things and stores them away ...
From the reaction, it looks like "The Mongol Hoards/Hordes" is/are as welcome as it/they ever were! :roll:
Sadly the days of people using proper English are went

rumncoke
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by rumncoke » Sun Apr 14, 2019 10:49 am

Can you show me the way to Larne “ he said
His hand upon her knee
“ I know the way to Larne “ she said
“ But not going Larne — on me”



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Within this carapace of skepticism there lives an optimist

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Dave
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Dave » Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:30 pm

Image
I have my own tv channel, what have you got?

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Dave
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Dave » Sun Apr 28, 2019 1:46 pm

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I have my own tv channel, what have you got?

rumncoke
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by rumncoke » Tue Apr 30, 2019 9:11 am

Merv

The joke about the cash machine

I thought the punch line was going to be

I haven't found one yet
Within this carapace of skepticism there lives an optimist

rumncoke
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by rumncoke » Tue Apr 30, 2019 9:14 am

An ATM in Ulster is also known as a

A hole in the wall
Within this carapace of skepticism there lives an optimist

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