MATCH OFF

[Russ]

Just bought a flight and ticket to the game. Might be my only chance to get on the Ravenhill pitch fully clothed

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[Rooster]

The folk living in Onslow and Mount Merrion have been asked to turn heating on, light their trendy solid fuel stoves, turn on their ovens, open all their windies and doors, to stave of any chance of the famous Spanners micro climate forcing another sub 45 minute postponement.

Awe feck, not again, that's the reason they get temperature inversions and the pitch freezes

[Tender]

I thought a temperature inversion was when the thermometer went in your other end.

[rocky]

Is that your tighter end, Tighty?

[Tender]

I'd applaud that, if the imogees were working.

[rorybestsbigbaldnoggin]

I'll applaud the two of them

[Tender]

Coatzee is sitting in the stand all afternoon, just glaring at the clouds and heating all East Belfast with his body heat alone.
He can slam a revolving door and he doesn't do normal press-ups, he presses and the World just goes down.
I'm touting for a job in the UR PRatt team.

[Cornerfleg]

Marcel can defrost a pitch just by saying the words "Blaar Blaser" .... fact.

[Dave]

Marcell's urine can cure davism.

[Cornerfleg]

Poor sod will be dehydrated and on a drip by the start of March ....

[Tender]

His tears can cure cancer, but he has never cried. He never sleeps, he waits. Jeebus could walk on water, Marcell can swim through dry land. We can p1ss our names in the snow, Marcell can p1ss his into concrete. He destroyed the periodic table, because he only believes in the element of surprise and if I don't get my fat ar$e into gear, I'll not get my usual spot at Spanners.

[Russ]

Marcell is the new RHI

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[promenader 2]

His tears can cure cancer, but he has never cried. He never sleeps, he waits. Jeebus could walk on water, Marcell can swim through dry land. We can p1ss our names in the snow, Marcell can p1ss his into concrete. He destroyed the periodic table, because he only believes in the element of surprise and if I don't get my fat ar$e into gear, I'll not get my usual spot at Spanners.

Ordinary mortals take up their usual spot at Spanners. Marcell stands on a random piece of grass and they reassemble Spanners around him.

[Deraless]

All the smoke over Marcell certainly got Charless's gander up last night. His entourage obviously told him to make sure he put in a big one.

[Tender]

I've been trying to control myself since Dera posted that on Saturday...
I was hoping somebody else would run with the double entendres, but so far you've all shown remarkable restraint. Don't make me do it