UAFC First XV

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mid ulster maestro
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UAFC First XV

Post by mid ulster maestro » Tue Jan 05, 2021 1:17 pm

It has been a while since I've done one of these. 15 years to be exact. Please note that this is all tongue in cheek and if anyone takes offence, you need to grow a pair.

Team Sheet - Backs

9 King of the Hill (Knows all that is happening around him. A shoe in for scrum half).
10 Bobbievee (Probably spend most of the game trying for a drop goal when there are 4 on 1 overlaps outside him)
11 Germacevoy (Most recent member of the club therefore form unknown. On the wing out of harms way).
12 Neill M (Knows the opposition and is well in with the bookies. Usually advises us to have a flutter on the oppo).
13 Snipe Watson (Elegant, pacey, demon sidestep. Sadly qualities lacking in this 13).
14 Justin73 (Latest blow in from England. Talks the talk but can he walk the walk. Answers on a postcard to....).
15 Dave (With 20365 appearances he brings a lot of experience to the team. Too bad he's a sh1te full back).

Team Sheet - Forwards

1 Solidarity (Aka Solids. With that moniker he's first choice to lock the scrum).
2 Rumncoke (Knows everything to know about scrummaging. He'll be able to tell the opposition what they are doing wrong).
3 HolywoodMike (Guaranteed to get a digging during the game. Should be good for 12 points from the penalties the oppo will give us).
4 Big Merv (With his stature the props will be able to toss him for the ball in the lineout rather than lift him. Oooh errr lucky Merv).
5 Me aka MUM (Getting too old for this. Need plenty of scrums, less chasing youngsters around the pitch).
6 UlsterNo9 (You can ask King of the Hill why you've been moved to 6. He knows everything going on. Or does he?).
7 Jackie Brown (His anger with the management has increased his aggression on the pitch. Just what we need for an abrasive, in yer face wing forward).
8 Cap'n Grumpy (What is needed is an abrasive ball carrying number 8 who will die for the team. Don't have one of those so Grumps it is).

Apologies to those who didn't make the team. Maybe next time.
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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by Dave » Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:34 pm



Mum, this is feckin brilliant. Best thing I've read on here in 15 years. Nearly sent home from working for laughing so hard (they thought I was coughing).

I'm delighted to be selected. I'm well suited to counterattacking from 15. Well played sir.

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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by justinr73 » Tue Jan 05, 2021 4:34 pm

Before we take the field, I should say that what I may lack in pace, I make up for in the air. I’m also very hard to run around, if only because of the distances involved.

Great selection at tight head. HWM is always prominent at the scrum in the bar.

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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by big mervyn » Tue Jan 05, 2021 5:28 pm

justinr73 wrote:
Tue Jan 05, 2021 4:34 pm
Before we take the field, I should say that what I may lack in pace, I make up for in the air. I’m also very hard to run around, if only because of the distances involved.

Great selection at tight head. HWM is always prominent at the scrum in the bar.
Just think Justin. In a couple of years you'll be eligible for an imaginary Ireland team :thumleft:

Nice one MUM. I'm gratified to be selected for anything these days :salut:

Yes . HWM "Guaranteed to get a digging during the game" ... and that's just from his team-mates :lol:
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kingofthehill
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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by kingofthehill » Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:39 pm

big mervyn wrote:
Tue Jan 05, 2021 5:28 pm
justinr73 wrote:
Tue Jan 05, 2021 4:34 pm
Before we take the field, I should say that what I may lack in pace, I make up for in the air. I’m also very hard to run around, if only because of the distances involved.

Great selection at tight head. HWM is always prominent at the scrum in the bar.
Just think Justin. In a couple of years you'll be eligible for an imaginary Ireland team :thumleft:

Nice one MUM. I'm gratified to be selected for anything these days :salut:

Yes . HWM "Guaranteed to get a digging during the game" ... and that's just from his team-mates :lol:
Superb MUM.

Honoured to be included with only having 2000 posts.
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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by solidarity » Tue Jan 05, 2021 7:38 pm

Like to do my bit but it's a team game, I owe it all to the lads. We always work hard for each other. We always give it our all and never leave anything on the pitch... eh, keyboard.

Babbling Brook are a very tough side, always give us a good game but I think our use of colourful adjectives and disciplined refusal to split infinitives will see us through.

I've heard a rumour that Big Merv has been having talks with a French side. I can understand, at his age, a big pay day with a laptop on the Riviera could be very attractive. He's been great for us over the years but the fingers aren't what they used to be and he probably won't get a look in for the Lions tour to Safferland.

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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by Cap'n Grumpy » Tue Jan 05, 2021 8:01 pm

Honoured to be included. MUM knows best :red:

Finished my short career at 7, so playing No8 not that far off.

As for ball-carrying, I'll gladly carry it out at the start of the game, and bring it in again after the rest of yous have finished running around.

I can bring some sandpaper if that helps with "abrasive".

Now - the impotent bit (sic) --- remuneration. Please contact my agent regarding same. name of Fermain - I'm sure you know him.
Sadly the days of people using proper English are went

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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by big mervyn » Tue Jan 05, 2021 8:19 pm

solidarity wrote:
Tue Jan 05, 2021 7:38 pm
Like to do my bit but it's a team game, I owe it all to the lads. We always work hard for each other. We always give it our all and never leave anything on the pitch... eh, keyboard.

Babbling Brook are a very tough side, always give us a good game but I think our use of colourful adjectives and disciplined refusal to split infinitives will see us through.

I've heard a rumour that Big Merv has been having talks with a French side. I can understand, at his age, a big pay day with a laptop on the Riviera could be very attractive. He's been great for us over the years but the fingers aren't what they used to be and he probably won't get a look in for the Lions tour to Safferland.
I can assure you this is NOT player driven. I'm afraid my bake no longer fits in Dublin. Any Farrell is known to prefer a no-nonsense, more direct comedic style, reminiscent of the Northern club circuit in the late 70s.

btw, I hear D4 is touting for a move :stir:
Volunteer at an animal sanctuary; it will fill you with joy , despair, but most of all love, unconditional love of the animals.
Big Neville Southall

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big mervyn
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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by big mervyn » Tue Jan 05, 2021 9:02 pm

Here's that team from 15 years ago. Not too many survivors thogh MUM continues to select himself. Who does he think he is, Janny Sexton? 😅


1 Capt'n Grumpy (obviously captain for his organisational skills and it seems to be popular having a prop as a coach).
2 Dead Ball ( you need somebody who is abrasive/agressive at hooker and I can think of none better).
3 Cockatrice (you need someone that the opposition will comment "have you seen the size of their feckin' prop?").
4 Me (too slow for anywhere else these days).
5 Ckav (from what I hear I'd much rather have my arm around her than the rest of you. I daresay CT won't complain either).
6 The Original Kimble (word from the second barrier is that he will play a corker).
7 For Dog and Ulcer (what a war cry. plays tambourine for the Sally Anne on Sundays you know).
8 Colinh (has the uncanny ability to get to places others can't. Just the job for a number 8)
9 PaddyX (I've always found scrumhalves to be annoying wee feckers. Nuf said!)
10 Rooster (Who better to strut their stuff at outhalf than our fine feathered friend)
11 Smee (doesn't post much and has never played rugby before. The wing is usually the place to put these virgins, out of harms way)
12 Pwrmoore (decisive, cutting and as sharp as a corkscrew)
13 Lepaul (he and pwrmoore can be seen discussing french wines as rooster takes it on himself to play a ten man game)
14 Ballpark (on the wing as far away from dead ball as possible)
15 Youngman (we need a fit bloke to do all of the running and someone with yoof on their side)
Subs Jamsie, Aarons, Cjp (sound like some sort of disease) and Shafted.
Dave Cahill is the neutral referee and Kofi Annan can give the opposition their team talk at half time.
Volunteer at an animal sanctuary; it will fill you with joy , despair, but most of all love, unconditional love of the animals.
Big Neville Southall

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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by kingofthehill » Tue Jan 05, 2021 9:38 pm

big mervyn wrote:
Tue Jan 05, 2021 9:02 pm
Here's that team from 15 years ago. Not too many survivors thogh MUM continues to select himself. Who does he think he is, Janny Sexton? 😅


1 Capt'n Grumpy (obviously captain for his organisational skills and it seems to be popular having a prop as a coach).
2 Dead Ball ( you need somebody who is abrasive/agressive at hooker and I can think of none better).
3 Cockatrice (you need someone that the opposition will comment "have you seen the size of their feckin' prop?").
4 Me (too slow for anywhere else these days).
5 Ckav (from what I hear I'd much rather have my arm around her than the rest of you. I daresay CT won't complain either).
6 The Original Kimble (word from the second barrier is that he will play a corker).
7 For Dog and Ulcer (what a war cry. plays tambourine for the Sally Anne on Sundays you know).
8 Colinh (has the uncanny ability to get to places others can't. Just the job for a number 8)
9 PaddyX (I've always found scrumhalves to be annoying wee feckers. Nuf said!)
10 Rooster (Who better to strut their stuff at outhalf than our fine feathered friend)
11 Smee (doesn't post much and has never played rugby before. The wing is usually the place to put these virgins, out of harms way)
12 Pwrmoore (decisive, cutting and as sharp as a corkscrew)
13 Lepaul (he and pwrmoore can be seen discussing french wines as rooster takes it on himself to play a ten man game)
14 Ballpark (on the wing as far away from dead ball as possible)
15 Youngman (we need a fit bloke to do all of the running and someone with yoof on their side)
Subs Jamsie, Aarons, Cjp (sound like some sort of disease) and Shafted.
Dave Cahill is the neutral referee and Kofi Annan can give the opposition their team talk at half time.
Blast from the past with some of those names.
The King is dead. Long live the King.

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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by Bart S » Tue Jan 05, 2021 9:57 pm

Good job KOTH is in the backs, as if he was calling the lineouts the calls would be too cryptic even for his team mates!

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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by big mervyn » Tue Jan 05, 2021 10:00 pm

kingofthehill wrote:
Tue Jan 05, 2021 9:38 pm

Blast from the past with some of those names.
Ckav was a sassy gal.
Volunteer at an animal sanctuary; it will fill you with joy , despair, but most of all love, unconditional love of the animals.
Big Neville Southall

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Dave
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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by Dave » Tue Jan 05, 2021 10:32 pm

big mervyn wrote:
solidarity wrote:
Tue Jan 05, 2021 7:38 pm
Like to do my bit but it's a team game, I owe it all to the lads. We always work hard for each other. We always give it our all and never leave anything on the pitch... eh, keyboard.

Babbling Brook are a very tough side, always give us a good game but I think our use of colourful adjectives and disciplined refusal to split infinitives will see us through.

I've heard a rumour that Big Merv has been having talks with a French side. I can understand, at his age, a big pay day with a laptop on the Riviera could be very attractive. He's been great for us over the years but the fingers aren't what they used to be and he probably won't get a look in for the Lions tour to Safferland.
I can assure you this is NOT player driven. I'm afraid my bake no longer fits in Dublin. Any Farrell is known to prefer a no-nonsense, more direct comedic style, reminiscent of the Northern club circuit in the late 70s.

btw, I hear D4 is touting for a move :stir:
Ye fecker, you have another year left on your (broadband) contract.
I have my own tv channel, what have you got?

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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by Dave » Tue Jan 05, 2021 10:33 pm

Would baggy come back as coach? Remember he used to tell us what to think...
I have my own tv channel, what have you got?

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mid ulster maestro
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Re: UAFC First XV

Post by mid ulster maestro » Tue Jan 05, 2021 11:28 pm

Janny's nat fit till lace me bots Merv!
When the bottom has fallen out of your world.
Take Enos and let the world fall out of your bottom!

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