World Mental Health Day

[BaggyTrousers]

Well now, I'm here today to tell you that it is not World Mental Health Day, however, I heard a radio discussion today and it struck a cord with me that I thought I would share. It may amuse the odd dickhead like last time but if anyone here benefits, my time is not wasted and obviously, I care not a jot what dickheads think. One of the pleasures of age, no fecks for fools.

I've been familiar with the black dog trailing behind me for about 25 years now on and off, rarely understanding what triggers an episode, other than two occasions, one of loss and one of pretty devasting news. I've been pretty good over the last 4/5 years but still susceptible and at my age, quicker to realise it's presence and do something positive. What many don't understand, especially those lucky enough not to have been so afflicted, is that it is rather like a scar, it may fade, it never leaves entirely but unlike most scars it's likely to flare up occasionally, red, ragged and out to claim it's place in your brain.

What dawned on me today is that over these 4/5 years I've had significant neck & shoulder pain and 2/3 prolonged periods of an unusual migraine which at it's longest has lasted 13 weeks. So whilst I have flirted with depression over that period, not all of it to do with rugby, it has finally dropped the penny in my mind that when you are not physically fit you are much more vulnerable to mental illness.

So, though I've no medical qualifications, I have fairly long experience and have resolved to sort out my big problem of being a fat kunt with 2/3 stone I could well do without, though about 20-25 lbs would see me looking pretty devastatingly handsome once more, though not much I can do with the necessary prescription glasses, the shortish-Brennan and the slaphead.

So my message to any fellow traveller today is if you are suffering or feeling the onset, hard as it may be getting yourself out of your dark corner and walk, run, cycle or whatever you can manage and cut out the comfort eating. If you are in a good place at present, look after your physical health whilst things are good and give yourself a head start - literally.

[namron]

Remember before you renew the season ticket could think long and hard of what you may be putting yourself through for another year. Ulster Rugby branded Prozac should be available in the kukri shop.

[jean valjean]

Well now, I'm here today to tell you that it is not World Mental Health Day, however, I heard a radio discussion today and it struck a cord with me that I thought I would share. It may amuse the odd dickhead like last time but if anyone here benefits, my time is not wasted and obviously, I care not a jot what dickheads think. One of the pleasures of age, no fecks for fools.

I've been familiar with the black dog trailing behind me for about 25 years now on and off, rarely understanding what triggers an episode, other than two occasions, one of loss and one of pretty devasting news. I've been pretty good over the last 4/5 years but still susceptible and at my age, quicker to realise it's presence and do something positive. What many don't understand, especially those lucky enough not to have been so afflicted, is that it is rather like a scar, it may fade, it never leaves entirely but unlike most scars it's likely to flare up occasionally, red, ragged and out to claim it's place in your brain.

What dawned on me today is that over these 4/5 years I've had significant neck & shoulder pain and 2/3 prolonged periods of an unusual migraine which at it's longest has lasted 13 weeks. So whilst I have flirted with depression over that period, not all of it to do with rugby, it has finally dropped the penny in my mind that when you are not physically fit you are much more vulnerable to mental illness.

So, though I've no medical qualifications, I have fairly long experience and have resolved to sort out my big problem of being a fat kunt with 2/3 stone I could well do without, though about 20-25 lbs would see me looking pretty devastatingly handsome once more, though not much I can do with the necessary prescription glasses, the shortish-Brennan and the slaphead.

So my message to any fellow traveller today is if you are suffering or feeling the onset, hard as it may be getting yourself out of your dark corner and walk, run, cycle or whatever you can manage and cut out the comfort eating. If you are in a good place at present, look after your physical health whilst things are good and give yourself a head start - literally.

Well said baggy. Like most other things in this backward looking pond the attitude towards mental health is from the dark ages. The amount of people who have been told by family members and others to pull themselves together is scandalous and borderline abuse.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

[UlsterNo9]

Give up the drink for a while Baggy!

A guaranteed depressant and maker of many a fat kunt!

[Marco]

Well done Baggy, tough one and men are not good at talking. My brother took his life on 7 November, I was the one who told my Mum and never want to have to do such a thing again.

Irrelevant but will mention that it was the weekend of the Ulster game away to Edinburgh where we gave up at halftime, and I remember giving off about the team on this forum, then this three days later - put the mother of all perspectives on everything that we talk about on forums like this...

[big mervyn]

Good luck with the weight loss Baggy. I had a prolonged period of sciatica and chronic pain a couple of years ago. Really ground me down. What finally sorted it out was becoming a slightly less fat bar steward. Really took the strain off the back and nerve. Slipped back a bit recently and could do with shifting a stone meself at the minute. Mediterranean diet for a while (including the drink No9!).

[Gerald the Mole]

The oul black dog has taken many friends and one very recently, I do believe that men in particular can't or won't talk about it, that in itself is a big worry, in life we all hit walls, once i did, and the best advice i was given was: "Dont go round it, go through it, if you go round it it will always be behind you" sadly , less than a week after that, the person who give the advice took his own life, he listened to me, i maybe didn't fully listen to him.. Baggy great thread.

Once read this:

When The Black Dog Starts Growling: 5 Steps to Leash Your Depression

Step 1: Stop. Stop and listen, just as you would if you really were enjoying a hike through the woods or wandering along the streets and heard an animal growling. Don’t move, don’t talk, and don’t panic – just stop and listen.

Can you tell from which direction the growls are coming? Can you tell how near the animal is? The goal here is to figure out how much time you have to work with.

Fortunately, because you’re just now hearing the growls, you probably have – maybe not a great deal of time to take action – but enough time so that you’re not overcome, i.e. curled into the fetal position and wondering what the hell happened.

Step 2: Evaluate your surroundings.

What you do now is determine two things:

What you’ve done to offend your Black Dog (or, what’s going on that’s triggered your depression).
What tools you have to eventually leash him (or, what steps you can take to regain management of your depression).
If you were dealing with an actual wild beast, you’d probably look around for some sort of warning you missed. A “Beware of Dog” sign you didn’t see or even a junkyard with an open gate you unwittingly wandered past. You’d probably glance around for someone to help you or someone who had the means to call for help. Maybe you’d even search out a weapon of some sort, or something that could slow down the dog if it started to attack.

In this sense, dealing with depression is no different: You have to look around for what triggered it. Have you been skipping therapy appointments? Could your medicine need adjusting? Are you fighting with a loved one or upset over not getting a job promotion? Has it been too long since you nurtured your social life? Have you been ignoring your usually healthy sleep schedule or neglecting your meditation?

In other words, what changes took place before you started hearing the growls?

Step 3: Make a plan. Now that you have an idea of your Black Dog’s proximity and your surroundings, think about your next move. Do you climb a tree? Do you hide in a Dumpster on the corner of Tenth Street and Third Avenue? Do you run?

No. You don’t do any of these things. You find your leash.

Your “leash” is your plan – your way of regaining control of the dog. Think back to the second step, the point at which you evaluated your surroundings and figured out what changes caused the growls. Now’s the time to figure out what changes you can make to silence them.

Naturally, your leash will be specific to your situation. If you currently manage your depression with therapy and medicine, maybe your plan will consist of increased sessions and medication adjustment. If a balanced lifestyle full of exercise, time spent with friends, and plenty of sleep helps you keep things under control, maybe your plan will consist of getting back on that schedule.

Step 4: Approach the Black Dog. Now that you have your plan — or your “leash” — it’s time to face your Black Dog.

As you’re approaching him, you’re taking the first steps toward carrying out your plan. Whether that means taking a different medication, spending more time with friends, or breathing life back into your exercise routine, you’re dealing with your depression triggers.

Know that this probably won’t be easy. You might even be scared at first. But if you stick to your plan — keep a tight grip on your leash — you’ll soon hear the Dog’s growls start to soften. He’ll begin to cower, and you’ll feel yourself growing braver. He’ll see you’re coming for him, and you’ll both know you can take him.

Step 5: Snap the leash. After you spend some time approaching the dog – maybe leisurely, maybe with full force – you’ll find the two of you face to face and you’ll know it’s time to snap the leash on his collar. He might struggle a bit at first – maybe whine or let out a few final, weak growls – but you’ll continue with your medicine, your counseling, your workouts, your meditation, or your nights out with friends, and before long, your Black Dog will tire out and you’ll regain control.

What now?

Maybe you’ll lead him to a cage or tie him to a tree. Maybe you’ll walk him along with you, keeping a tight grip on him and continuing to work toward the day you can release him for good.

What you do with the black dog is specific – and entirely up to – you. However, if ever again his leash starts to fray or the snap gives way, you’ll know what to do.

[BaggyTrousers]

Marco, Ger, sorry for your recent losses, it is a dangerous basterd and I have been fortunate never to have lost anyone remotely close that way. I do have one friend who has become a sufferer late in life and as far as I know, his doctor, his partner & I are the only ones who he's talked to about it. Could be wrong but he keeps his cards close to his chest.

Equally, I have a really longstanding friend who I will never again talk to about depression, just couldn't get it at all, an old fashioned boy who hides his feelings and no idea how to talk about such things & seems embarrassed that anyone would want to. He's still a great friend, just seems devoid of any sense of empathy or understanding.

Merv that is the sort of thing I'm thinking of, my eldest sister-in-law was a wideload, a lovely one but a wideload. She had chronic foot pain, so much so that they offered her surgery to try to alleviate the pain but suggested she lose a bit of weight first. She lost 4 stone and bingo, no surgery required, not entirely pain-free bit she can do as much as she wants in terms of walking & general living, surgery cancelled. Unsurprisingly it's like a new life for her, she is now a happy person from being a bloody wreck.

Talked about it to Mrs T & big gay son over a decent BBQ last night and BGS comes out with the old saw, "healthy body healthy mind". It's not just that simple but I'll guarantee that it's part of the battle against the ould black dog.

As you can tell I don't give a damn about other people's negative thoughts or any perceived stigma, so I'll talk about it to anyone anytime, PM or in person ................ as one very decent fellow poster here offered me when he thought I was sounding like I was in a dark corner.

[mikerob]

Probably more appropriate in this thread than a rugby discussion. I seem to remember that when he was Bath, he was banned after an incident involving taking coke in a pub toilet then gatecrashing and getting into a fight in a party for another team so it doesn't seem his life was straightened out after he left Ulster.

Justin Harrison, the former Australia forward, considered suicide during his playing career following the breakdown of his first marriage.

Harrison, who is famous for stealing the decisive line-out in the final minutes of the third Test against the British and Irish Lions on his debut for Australia in 2001, says it was only a chance meeting with a stranger in a bar in New York that rescued him from “thinking about things that no human should”.

It was during a three-year spell at Ulster that Harrison found his life spiralling out of control as he turned to a destructive cocktail of alcohol, sleeping tablets and anti-depressant pills.

His marriage had broken down within months of joining the Irish province in 2005 and despite captaining the side in the final match of the season that clinched the Celtic League title, he found his life unravelling as he coped with what his saw as the first failure of his life.

“My relationship wasn’t right but it was a real shock for it to fail,” he said. “I had great support from Ulster but my focus became on anything but what it should have been on and it became a daily wrestle with not wanting to get out of bed or see anyone.

“For a period of time I was looking for answers in all the wrong places. It became easier to drink to forget, it became easier to justify taking sleeping tablets because then I had less chance of dreaming or remembering my dreams.

“At the time I was really fearful of going to sleep because I had no control over my dreams. Then there was the time when I had anti-depressants, and was mixing all sorts of medicines with alcohol. It was a cocktail of confusion and greyness.

“Time became irrelevant but also a real burden because I ended up wishing my life away. I would get through a day and then the next would come I would think, ‘I have got to get through this all again’ and didn’t want to be part of it any more.”

Mark McCall, the Saracens director of rugby who was then in charge of Ulster, allowed Harrison to return to Australia at the end of the season to try to sort out his personal life and offered to release him from his contract. With his marriage over, Harrison however, returned for the next season.

Yet by Christmas, his world was falling apart. He started to see a counsellor and psychologist, with a particular focus on managing his free time, when he was most at risk.

But that summer, when he travelled to New York on his own for a break, he hit a new low, only to saved by an Australian called Peter Maiden who recognised him.

“When I was at the bar I was thinking, ‘You have had a good stint, you are not really needed any more’,” Harrison said. “I didn’t have family or kids so I just felt it was just me and I was entitled to make the decision and didn’t really think about anything other than wishing that I didn’t have to wrestle with it any more.

“I was in the bar watching some sport when Peter came over. He asked what I was doing and explained it to him and about two or three hours later we had got across most of the things that I had done and was contemplating doing and he was with me for the next two weeks I stayed in New York.

“All of a sudden I had someone to keep me busy and keep me out of that thought pattern. It is the power of friendships. I call him my ‘little brother’ and have stayed in touch ever since. He is getting married in New York in August and I will go over.”

The intervention changed everything. Harrison returned to Ulster with hope replacing despair and now, 10 years on, he has remarried and lives happily in France with two sons.

Yet when he heard of the death of his former Wallaby team-mate Dan Vickerman, who took his own life in February, Harrison felt compelled to act. Along with former Saracens and England prop Matt Stevens, his former team-mate at Bath, Harrison wanted to encourage the rugby community to confront mental health issues. The result is an all-star game at Allianz Park on June 30 in support of Restart Rugby, the official charity of the Rugby Players’ Association and its #LiftTheWeight campaign aimed at raising awareness of mental health.

“I understood there had been a battle that Vicks was going through and that he couldn’t see any way out of,” Harrison. “He had no solutions other than what was in front of him. It just makes you really sad that someone thinks the only solution is to not be there any more.

“There is no way of knowing when or how that was ever going to happen. We all need to have very uncomfortable conversations now for it to be anywhere near meaningful and substantial change for people who are contemplating things or feeling alone.

“If we can use one of the most powerful mafias in the world – the rugby family – to reach out and nurture and give sense of belonging and a community feel to it, I am happy to admit that I was in a stage of my life where I was extremely weak and thought about things that no human should. Striving for life should always outweigh ending it.”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/rugby-union/ ... ger-saved/

[BaggyTrousers]

Interesting read Mike, what stands out most for me is that Justin can't help lapsing into the "uncomfortable conversations" stuff, makes me despair appropriately enough. Yes, I understand some find it embarrassing, maybe I might have when I was 30 or so, but it is an illness like any other to be treated not hidden.

As in Harrison's tale, the first thing, probably the only thing to beat it is talking, you can't sort it out yourself.

[Bart S]

Just got round to reading this thread (a welcome break from Doak/kiss/clarke rantings on all sides) and wanted to add a few words myself about my experiences.

I have thankfully never had any mental health issues but having been in long relationship previously with a woman who did have mental health issues and also having known some loss recently, I have learnt a fair bit about it. The relationship was some years ago when i was both young and clueless. It was tough being with someone who had suicidal thoughts and was in a dark place, particularly as it was only from time to time and not necessarily triggered by anything in particular, at least from the outisde. The biggest difficulty or frustration was not understanding what was causing it, or that solving one thing would just make it go away. It's a feeling of helplessness which drives you to your wits end. I'd say as a partner of a sufferer it was probably the biggest lesson i learnt - that sometimes you can't just think rationally and expect that this will solve it. You desperately want to help but have to accept that sometimes all you can do is be there, even if it doesn't appear to help and you feel like you are not doing anything.

I also more recently saw a childhood friend take his life unexpectedly. He was obviously suffering silently and had gone to great lengths to plan his act. Even months later it still makes me sad, as he left behind a family. He was one of the most lovely genuine people i have met in my life (and i mean that sincerely) so i can't even begin to think hiw much he must have been suffering to do this. I don't know if it would have changed anything, but the saddest thing is that i don't think he ever knew how much people actually loved and cared about him.

Anyway, I just want to say to Baggy and anyone else who may suffer from mental illness that people do care about you and if anyone can help then please do not suffer in silence. And to anyone who like me, ends up on the other side, I would just say that sometimes just being there through thick and thin, no matter how difficult and frustrating that may seem, as well as feeling helpless, can often be a big help.


Now, as for our coaching ticket....

[Bart S]

Interesting read Mike, what stands out most for me is that Justin can't help lapsing into the "uncomfortable conversations" stuff, makes me despair appropriately enough. Yes, I understand some find it embarrassing, maybe I might have when I was 30 or so, but it is an illness like any other to be treated not hidden.

As in Harrison's tale, the first thing, probably the only thing to beat it is talking, you can't sort it out yourself.

I remember seeing a prgramme a few years back on Gazza, when he went to play in China. i remember him saying that he would train like crazy, as it kept his mind occupied and away from dark thoughts. I wonder if it was soemthing similar at first for Justin Harrison at Ulster. Anywhere it is clearly not a sustainable solution and the decline of Gazza (probably england's Most talented footballer in the past 30 plus years) is ultimately a very sad story.