Silly Season Limerick Competition

[rumncoke]

Dave

Wrong that one was not written or composed by me that is a plagiarism of highest order

But it not being a verse of the " good ship Venus " I suppose makes it beyond your intellectual memory .


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Dave]

Savage

[Tender]

Ok, buckle up buckaroos. If yis are doin the filthy....

There once was a Vampire named Mable
Who's period was really quite stable
At every full moon
She'd whip out her spoon
And sup herself under the table...

[Dave]

That waankstain nucikunt is a cockweasel.
He kicked out Ruan for no reason.
I hope he chokes on his pipe
While getting bucked by a dyke
And a neck-stamp from our Vinny Jean Deysel

FOLK

[jackthelad]

A Yank Ulster fan called Alice
Used Semtex to make a big phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And part of her anus in Dallas

Liking your work Jack, good call on Deysel by the way, when you said you'd emigrated I hadn't thought it was to the FIRFU offices in D4.

Thanks Baggy. Moved to the Moray Coast. Was either that or murder some f*cker at Stormont in frustration at the stupidity and bigotry of the vermin who the voting morons keep sending back there.

[BaggyTrousers]

Chance you might be "back in Europe" when wee Sturgeon leads Scotland to freedom.

[rumncoke]

There was a young man from Madras
Who had a particular ass
Not hairy and pink
As some of you think
But - long eared ,grey and eats grass

The old ones are best -- PTQ circa 1959 - 63

Mary had a little lamb
Some chicken and desert
-- then gave the wrong address
The dirty little flirt

Doctor Bell fell down the well
And broke his collarbone
Doctors should attend the sick
And leave the well alone

True humour without vulgarity


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[big mervyn]

There was a young man from Madras
Who had a particular ass
Not hairy and pink
As some of you think
But - long eared ,grey and eats grass

The old ones are best -- PTQ circa 1959 - 63

Mary had a little lamb
Some chicken and desert
-- then gave the wrong address
The dirty little flirt

Doctor Bell fell down the well
And broke his collarbone
Doctors should attend the sick
And leave the well alone

True humour without vulgarity


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

... and all the worse for it.

[BaggyTrousers]

If I didn't think I'd be wasting my time I'd tell some clowns to get back on topic or shoes will be provided.

[ColinM]

The Barbarians are coming to Belfast town,
Three weeks of hard graft Ulster put down
Kiss so wanted the game
Two captains he did name
Jesus wept - what a clown

[Dave]

Baggy got pisssed - about his thread
Too much nonsense - he has read
Most from rum n coke
His neck he would choke
And bury his ass - beneath the shed

[BaggyTrousers]

When Ulster were on the up
We played in the Heineken cup
But now we're on a down
The SDC just makes me fron
No more on foreign rugby fields I'll sup

A poem on Ulster Rugby

When things go wrong and they won't come right
Though you do the best you can
When days are as dark as the hours of night
A pint of plain is yer only man

When money's tight and hard to get
And your horses has also ran
When all you have is heap of debt
A pint of plain is your only man

When health is bad and your heart feels strange
And your face is pale and wan
When the doctor says that you need a change
A pint of plain is your only man

When food is scarce and your larder bare
And no rashers grease your pan
When hunger gnaws and your meals are rare
A pint of plain is your only man

In times of trouble and lousy strife
You've still got a darling plan
You still can turn to a wonderful life
A pint of plain is your only man

When Ulster are poor and lose to dross
And we rush to blame yer man
Instead of angst, bile and getting cross
A pint of plain is yer only man.


With thanks to Ronnie Drew for the inferior first five verses.

[rumncoke]

A limerick gets to the gist
Our "Dave " is in a red mist
Like a microwaved bunny
His rhymes are unfunny
He must be Brahams and Liszt

What's that to do with Ulster you say
Or how the team ought to play
Nothing at all
But I'm having a ball
Leaving that to another day


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[big mervyn]

When Ulster were on the up
We played in the Heineken cup
But now we're on a down
The SDC just makes me fron
No more on foreign rugby fields I'll sup

A poem on Ulster Rugby

When things go wrong and they won't come right
Though you do the best you can
When days are as dark as the hours of night
A pint of plain is yer only man

When money's tight and hard to get
And your horses has also ran
When all you have is heap of debt
A pint of plain is your only man

When health is bad and your heart feels strange
And your face is pale and wan
When the doctor says that you need a change
A pint of plain is your only man

When food is scarce and your larder bare
And no rashers grease your pan
When hunger gnaws and your meals are rare
A pint of plain is your only man

In times of trouble and lousy strife
You've still got a darling plan
You still can turn to a wonderful life
A pint of plain is your only man

When Ulster are poor and lose to dross
And we rush to blame yer man
Instead of angst, bile and getting cross
A pint of plain is yer only man.


With thanks to Ronnie Drew for the inferior first five verses.

Is it not Flann O'Brien?

[Gerald the Mole]

There was an oul cnut called Baggy
whose balls were grey and saggy
He once took a dump
Blamed it on Trump
And said it looked like Maggie