The UAFC

Well, all over for another season, we could spend the next few months going round in circles discussing what when wrong who should be shot in the face, that sort of thing.

Doubtless, we will do that but I thought I'd give your creative sides a chance and hereby announce the Summer Limerick Competition.

Rules:
Your Limerick should be in standard five-line form
Lines 1,2 & 5 should rhyme as should 3 & 4, no arty farty none rhyming crap, though if it hints at a rhyme leeway will be provided
Every Limerick should be about a player, coach or office person up to & including Fit.
The winner will be the one that comes closest to making me spit out my coffee.

To start you off I have composed two, neither of which will be awarded the title.


There was a young Dub named Shanners
Who infrequently played at Spanners
His pass is just fine
Like a good number nine
But it's tough following Afrikaners

A quality centre named Cave
Is nobody's idea of a Dave
But he could not get a pick
Cos' Les Kiss is a pr1ck
Who'd be better off dead in his grave

(sorry FOLK, yer not quite that bad. )

There yis go.

Old Sarge Wilson played eight
He was generally thought to be bate
But in his last stand
He was totally grand
In fact, he was bloody well great.

Must I do it all, quality to high for yis?

There is a D4 sideways going fullback called Rob
Some people think he licks his own nob
He last had form in 2009
His bicep is injured and now he's no lion
But Joe will still give him a blowjob

There is no alternative to p
So they say on the UAFC
On bakebook he is brill
But clearly lacks any basic skill
No worse player you ever will see

There was an experimental DoR called Les
He was hammered in a tweet by Fez
His defensive system is broke
He blames Clarke and Doak
No other excuses are left

Please fcuk off Les Kiss
This is my number one wish
Selections are a joke
We call you FOLK
I think your glasses look sh1t

Ravenhill road has its own micro climate
It would freeze the balls off a primate
I will always remember
That night in December
A leaf blower and pitch walk we did try late!

Our coaches seemingly don’t gel
And our team doesn’t play all that well
But that’s not the reason
For our really bad season
It’s cos of our poor A.I.L.

Our nine for skill didn’t lack
He was a mate of Robbie Diack
But he had to quit
Because of some Dublin ????*
But like Arnie he said, “I’ll be back”

*Sorry, it’s still unfinished - can anyone think of a word to rhyme with quit?

In Spain you must sort your TV
To catch the pro 12 rugby
Call Pablo not Dave
He'll get what you crave
All for a modest fee

We have a fat prop called Black
Who was once a key part of our pack
But his form it did dip
So he opened Guilt Trip
Before Les and Fit gave him the sack


Ps. For anyone who doesn't know, Guilt Trip is the new coffee shaap opened by Black and Cave which is being plugged on social meedya by every ulster player...

We have a big prop called Ah You
About fitness he hasn't a clue
We think that he may be quite good
If he would seriously cut down on his food
But i'm too scared to tell him, so would you?

There was a uafc member called tender
He threw his sky subscription into the blender
Yaya Toure's wage
Send him into a rage
All he has now is east ender(s)

I love this thread.

Spent much of my maiden trip to Munster the other week in similar mode.

I shall be back....

Our coach was a RL winger
He's also a Rolf Harris ringer
He invented the choke
Bur our defence is a joke
Why did we let go Dinger?

Whilst I offer Les Kiss no malice
He'd be much more use in the Palace
Loading Charlie's toothbrush
Eating leftovers and mush
Before wiping the Royal Aras

Cap'n Grumpy wrote:Our nine for skill didn’t lack
He was a mate of Robbie Diack
But he had to quit
Because of some Dublin ????*
But like Arnie he said, “I’ll be back”

*Sorry, it’s still unfinished - can anyone think of a word to rhyme with quit?

I didn't write bit.

Poor Bryn, he kops some grief
For only signing players from Esportif
Whether they're fit or not
Doesn't matter a jot
As their stay is always so brief

We should always play Jared at fifteen
Whether in white or in green
But joe says that's a load of old blarney
So he keeps picking bloody Rob Kearney
And we're stuck with Jared at thirteen. (Where he is still pretty decent).